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Weight Loss – Just NOT doing it

So my weight loss journey is not going very well. So not well in fact that I’m going in reverse which has been extremely de-motivating. I know what I should be doing. I have done it before. But I’m just not doing it. 

I’ll start working out, get a couple of days in, and then just stop. I’ll start eating healthier, then I’ll just stop. My weight will bounce around down to 207lbs, back to 210lbs and the other day I managed to see a 215lbs. I want to lose weight. I really do. But I’m not wanting to put the work in and stop doing the bad habits that are causing the weight gain.

I am feeling pretty stuck.

Just four years ago (before Covid, before I rupture my Achilles) I was at 175lbs and working out 5 days a week. I felt good and strong. I loved the way I looked and I loved the way I felt. And then I started to drift, slowly my workouts dribbled to nothing and stopped. My eating got worse. For a bit it wasn’t a big deal, I was hanging around 175lbs and maintaining and I still felt pretty good. Then it started creeping up on me. My body was in a decline and I wasn’t doing anything about it. And I would push my body hard on weekends. A real weekend warrior making a body that had lapsed back into being out of shape and making it do things it really shouldn’t have been doing. Like playing soccer against a bunch of teenagers. I think that’s when I first tweaked my Achilles. Then I finally pushed too hard (literally pushing a truck on a trailer) and my Achilles fully ruptured. Now I couldn’t work out and I was just laying around eating while I healed. After I recovered I was so nervous about my body breaking down I treated it very gently. When I would work out, it was so light it wasn’t really accomplishing much other than at least I was doing a little moving. I am still not sure I trust my body enough to push it. 

And so here I am, 40lbs heavier and out of shape, and seemingly unable to push through the mental blocks that are holding me back. I’ve talked about it some in therapy, but I think I probably need to talk about it some more. I want to enjoy my life and for some reason eating healthy and exercising feel like they take that away from me, which I know in my head isn’t true, but it seems like I believe it to be true in my heart.

I figured a good step would be to write out some of my thoughts, see them in black and white. Admit out loud that I’m struggling, sit with that and try and decide where to go from there. I mean, I know the things I SHOULD do. I just don’t do them.

Making my In Progress Dashboard

I’ve got a lot of things going on and things I want to accomplish. Some I think I might actually manage to do and some I will probably just have to get real and abandon.

House projects, personal projects, career goals, health (mental and physical), and more. I’ve had a lot of these kicking around for years either started and never finished or just buzzing about as thoughts that I’d like to explore. It’s time to get them in progress.

I started working on putting together a little dashboard of the various things I have in progress (or want to have in progress). I really like the way Brandon Sanderson does that for his writing projects (https://www.brandonsanderson.com/) so we’ll see how that comes together so I can start to visualize just how things are going. Going to try and finish that up and get it shared out this upcoming weekend! The big thing is I want to force myself to make something even if it’s not perfect just have to get started.

George In Progress

I have been in a rut for a while. I used to be extremely active and involved in various communities. I was getting things done and in general feeling like I was excelling at life. I was speaking at conferences, I was writing articles (I wrote a book!), I was making games, writing tutorials, answering questions, blogging, and just really having fun. I’m not sure what exactly happened, it was a gradual thing, but at some point, I realized I just wasn’t doing so great anymore.

I went to therapy (and I’m still in therapy) for several years and I’m at a point where I’m doing much better emotionally, but I still am not creating, I’m not getting things done. I want to change that!

I decided I wanted to track my progress on my various projects and goals. And I thought, hey, why not do that publicly so I can scratch that “creating something” itch as well. And maybe there are some of you out there struggling to get things done as well, so might as well share my ups and downs, my successes, and the projects I end up just having to abandon.

I guess in step one I need to gather my various goals and projects and brain dump them somewhere, guess that’s my first project! This is going to be interesting, may not be as fun and fulfilling as I think, but I wanted to give it a go. Hey, I’m George and I’m a work in progress.

1-on-1s

One of the first steps I have taken as I transition into my management role is to set up one on ones with my team.

I’m not completely integrated with the team yet. We are planning on doing a slow transition from my Development Lead role on my current team to Software Development manager on my new team. This gives my current team a chance to train some new people, have me train them in things I was doing, and for me to slowly hand off my responsibilities. Because of this lack of integration, it feels a bit strange to be scheduling 1-on-1s with people who don’t “officially” report to me but I figured it was a good foot forward first step.

The one-on-ones will give my new team a chance to talk to me, to get to know me, and for me to get to know them. I can get a feel for what they are concerned about, what they feel has been working on their team and what they feel has not been working. I can also hopefully help ease any anxiety or worry they have about me moving into a leadership position.

Really looking forward to meeting the team and starting to fill in the picture.

The Management Transition

It’s finally happening! I am transitioning into a software development management role! I have been treading water as a software development lead for quite a few years while waiting for this to transition into management and it is finally happening!

This won’t be my first transition into management, but it feels like it might be my final transition into management. I don’t think I will move back into a dev role after this one, so this is going to be a unique experience. As such, I want to try and capture my thoughts, feelings, and the things I learn along the way as I try to do the best I possibly can in my new role as manager.

Some things that have been going really well that I would hope happen with all new managers:

  • My manager has set down with me and gone over their expectations and asked me for my expectations. This is where we discussed things like I have an expectation that I will not be a “working” manager. No coding for me. I’m all in on people and project management at this point. This was a FANTASTIC discussion and was a great start!
  • My manager has scheduled many meetings with 1) the team to introduce me 2) product to go over each of the supported products and to introduce me 3) meetings to go over the current dev rituals/process and 4) meetings to go over what he’s hoping to see from me in the next few months. FANTASTIC!

Having those things happen gives me a lot of hope and have already opened up the door for dialog. Just knowing what’s even being expected of me is such relief.

Due to the size of my current dev team, the plan is for me to slowly transition into this new role over the next six months so I’ll make sure to write about that as well. Currently at 25% on the new team, which has been mostly used up by just going to some meetings but starting in July will be shifting to 50%. This is going to be a fun and exciting journey!

If anyone has any questions or things they want me to share/write about, please ask! I’m hoping to catch the things I find important or interesting as I walk this path, but would love to know what you are wanting to hear about!

And so it begins…

Worst. Post. Ever.

I created this blog several with big dreams. I was going to blog about everything I was interested in and wow the socks off everyone. Unfortunately, I spent so much time planning and thinking that true to many projects I plan on doing I never started. I just built them up in my head WAY too much. I was planning my sold-out stadium performance and hadn’t even done any practicing… SO in an effort to break the cycle and do some creating versus consuming, I figured I’d just set out to make the worst post ever. No pressure there right? Just type something up, don’t put too much thought into and it bam, you’re done.

So there we have it, I’ve gotten the first post out of the way. Spilled that first glass of wine on the carpet. Burnt the brand new skillet. Put a scratch in the new car. (all of the above examples are real-life things I have done!). I’m not sure where I’m planning to go or even what I want this blog to be, but I’m never going to figure that out without DOING something. So there, I’ve done it and you’re along for the ride! (or I’m most likely just talking to myself, but yeah, hey you, you’re along for the ride, go make it a meaningful one!)

Ok friends, until next time, go do something poorly, just go do it!